Bill McCullam, copywriter Advertising that gets results
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“Witty, Entertaining”
–NY Times
Pages from the celebrated J. Peterman Owner’s Manual for apparel, furniture, food, luggage, collectibles, etc.
Hard-Working Stuff
Consumer ads for clients like BMW, Grolsch, Waterford, Aetna, Juilliard, and IBM, plus direct marketing that ran profitably for 10 years and more
In the Pipeline
It’s delicious. It’s rational. It’s the lozenge with a method. Learn more about this exciting product. Cogito ergo yum!
Owner's Manual |
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How to Cheat at Croquet
“My dear, you are absolutely smashing in that dress.”
Laugh, give your head a fetching tilt, and while their eyes are fixed on you, nudge the ball into a better position with your toe.
Are you a terrible person? Not a bit. This is croquet.
(“Who takes the mallet in hand has left virtue, honor, and charity behind” — The Immorality of Croquet, 1893.)
If someone thinks they’ve seen what you’ve done, this dress will also help you play the Aggrieved Innocent convincingly.
(“How could you accuse me of such a thing? Do I look like the sort of person...” read more>
The Holiday Table
(Good Old-Fashioned J. Peterman Style)
I recently encountered a small object, the size of a squashed softball, that claimed to be an "authentic" English plum pudding.
Amusement turned to outrage and alarm when I read the words on the label, “contains absolutely no beef suet.” read more>
of gold-plated English monocles.
The Return of the Monocle
“Good grief, Peterman, do you want me to look like Erich von Stroheim?”
Relax, I’m not suggesting that at all.
A monocle is simply more convenient and less ostentatious, really, than carrying around a magnifying glass for tasks eyeglasses aren’t up to, like examining NASDAQ listings or the wings of a Vanessa atalanta.
Later, for private amusement, you might practice holding it in your eye, just as Napoleon, Beethoven, and other famous monocle-wearers have done before you. There’s an art to this. Please note extensions on the top and bottom of the frame (“galleries”) designed to help it stay put. read more>
Soerabaja Days
Hasn’t anyone told you about your great-great uncle Gustavus?
Dutch East Indies. Early 1900s.
Made a fortune in rubber, lost it; went on to make a second one in quinine.
Liked to sit on the veranda in his starched pink pajamas, looking out over the chinchona read more>
E.M. in Venice
An intimate little masked ball at “The House of Gold,” the grandest palazzo on the Grand Canal — only a thousand guests were invited.
E.M. was among them.
For the occasion, she commissioned a sensual blend of Venetian ingredients. Full. Rich. Warm. Frankly delicious.
It is difficult to command attention in such a glittering crowd, with brigades of gondoliers in tights bearing torches and continuous fireworks exploding overhead, but E.M. appears to have succeeded.
E.M. Ca’ d’Oro, from the J. Peterman E.M. Collection. 1-oz. eau-de-toilette spray bottle in silk drawstring bag. read more>